Monday, July 28, 2008

Life in a Nutt Shell or is it My Hell??

Good evening everyone, I hope you had nice unevenful days today. I myself wish I could say the same. As you know it being Monday, was the day to find out about the "House". I have been up since 6 am and running pretty much since then. Been on the phone with 4 banks and personally visited 1 twice today. I was called by the Mortgage lender this morning and told that there were several things that needed to be cleared up to make the loan happen. So I scurried up all the funds I could and set off to clear those things up. Mind you most of these were residue's from when my husband and I were first seperated. His depts. I guess he had a credit card that was purged. I settled it for $300.00 and paid half now half on the 3rd after my SSI check comes. Cleared 2 bank accounts that bounced from Gawd knows when totaling almost $270.00 and managed to finally be able to open a bank account with out being prosecuted for check systems. YAY ME!. After doing all this and jumping through every hoop put forth. The realitor calls and wanted to withdrawl the bid. I said no. She calls this afternoon and said that HUD never took the bid either way. So we take it as a no go. It is still listed as open for bidding. I guess we can up our offer. But now the Lender is calling me. I did everything HE said to make the loan happen. Not good enough. I have to have $3000. in the bank ASAP to show I can handle the closing costs and 2 months mortgage so I can have the loan now. Knowing I just paid through the nose all these bills to make the path for the loan. Where on Gods green earth am I going to get the "gift" of $3000.00 . The Lender said "Gift" I can rebid on the house but I need the "gift" .. If someome knows where the "gift" is. Please let me know. As I can not find it. I can not manage to make it happen. There is nothing left here not even food to eat. I have sold it all to do what I have and sold things I should not have to get what I did. Lord Help me I did what I could. .
So.. I guess after the Fire Marshall is done with the house we are in.. we are going to be sooo homeless it is will be not even worth our sanity. I can say I tried. I failed but at least I tried. I feel for my family and for dragging those I love with me into this mess.
Thanks everyone for the prayers you gave us. They all were deeply moving and loved by each.
~ huggles~

Friday, July 04, 2008

To The 4th~ Cheers~

You now, it is the 4th.. of July. Pretty much everyone is out enjoying themselves and I am here writting this. I can hear the fireworks going off down the street at the race track and have no interest in seeing them. What is wrong with me?? I must be bogged down with issues. Yep that is it. I am seriously unhappy these days. I can remember a time when little presents were a norm. Not anymore, at least not in a long time.. I miss those days. I remember when I was considered beautiful and felt that way deep inside. Not anymore. I do not even have a reason to get dressed these days. Unless it is to head out to Walmart for groceries. I guess it is just how I took the cards that were dealt to me in life and I guess I excepted them or else I would have never taken them. But I do miss being a someone . I feel like a no one in a no where place. Nothing has been fixed that is broken and still sitting in the idle position of life not knowing if I am coming or going. Worse I am taking everyone down with me. . Sucks doesn't it??
One of my children has plans to move out soon , I can see it. She is 17. I wonder if she will finish school. I hope so. But I doubt it. She is choosing a path I tried to teach her to stay away from. Does this mean I failed? Or did she fail to listen? ~ shrugs~ I am off to make someones life as miserable as mine or make theirs better by seeing how blah anothers can be...
Happy 4th Everyone!!