Friday, April 24, 2009

Hardships and Then Some

My 18 yr old moved out 2 days ago and with her went her income. So no more help there. We knew eventually the day would come but we also had expected that Joe's Social Security would sort of pivot out the expenses. It never came. So now my meager income is footing the bill. Ron is out of work for the next 5 1/2 months due to an injury and after that we have no idea what happens. So who is paying the bills? I am paying the mortgage and that's about it!
It just so happens my blood pressure has been high and the doctor is concerned that I will collapse from it. Right now it is not treatable as "High" blood pressure. But it does cause reason to watch. Even my mother is worried about it. I have daily chest pain and a head ache from it. But then what does it matter. It is not like anyone else is going to change things here. Or like they can. My mood is depressed and sour. I don't want to do anything and find no joy in my surroundings. I think it is more like we can not afford to do anything so why bother and that is depressing enough.
Once again everyone sits on the couch or on the computers because we really have no clue how to make things "happen". We owe money and can not pay it, we can not make these debts go away, so as the days move on things happen and grow. Oh I forgot to mention my check engine light is back on and my car needs to be worked on again. Who can afford that? Shit! We really need some relief here. This on going saga seems to never end and there is never any help outside these walls. Eventually one of us is going to fall over from the stress of this house. We have grown to hate it here. Not one of us likes it anymore. We would gladly give up this house and this state for a better place, a better life and a stress free enviorment.
When you wake up and what should be beauty of life turns into a nightmare of where is the "Money" to survive. It becomes a terrible shame. Our lives have lowered to a level of finacial hell. The word Love has been strained by money, bills and the lack of. Our faith is tested daily and it is very hard to hold on to what you truely believe in. Especially when you have little to nothing to work with.

No comments: