Oblivious or Just Plain Oblivion..

I can not actually remember how long it has been since this has all started, the broken cars & houses, moving in and out. All I know is that I am tired and my body hurts all over. When was the last time any of us spoke? A simple "hello" in passing, a phone call to see how each other was doing.. These things I can not recall...
From the moment the sun comes up till almost the time it comes up again I am running, errands, business, fixing something or trying to please someone somewhere. Yet there has not been a single moment in that space for me. Does that sound selfish?
You could say at this point I am beat, washed up and down for the count, yet I am not one to lay down and throw the towel in. " Ding" the next round begins and I am up moving again. Our closing date has moved several times and our Nice ( putting it sarcastically )Seller, is so worried about the money he will pocket , that he forgets that I am his bank or should I say the dollar sign he should be seeing. The date we hope that sticks this time is Sept 12Th. The man who says the house is ready will be here again Tuesday Sept 2ND. Maybe this time all the work will finally be finished. I am sick of maint people running all over the place. Though I am still waiting on the electrician for an outlet to be put into the master bedroom..
I did get a new roof and fresh paint of the 2 car garage this week. FHA said so, so it happened.
I wish they could get my car to work that easy. I had a engine rebuilt and in a matter of 5 minutes that blew up. Broke the cam bearings and now I have to start again. And most people wonder why I am the way I am.
I am looking to trade 2 cars for one. I found the one now to get rid of the other 2 cars. Any takers?
I am off. I have not slept in ages and therefore I am punchy and I would call it slap happy.
Hope you all have it good and have a blessed evening

Gayle

From The Heart

Dear Lord,
As like so many other days that I pray to you , today I will do so that others may join me in this prayer.
Dear Lord I pray that you Bless me with this loan for the house on 6th street. Bless my family with a place to live and a stress less move. Lord please bless all that read this prayer and grant them a good life and may be have comfort in knowing how much you care for them as you care for us.
Lord please please let my family find peace in knowing we no longer have to worry about being homeless. To finally know the feeling of joy and comfort in your arms.
I love you
Your daughter
Gayle

Gayle wanted to commit suicide today..
It seems no matter how hard she tries,
nothing she does , comes out the correct way...
From raising her family to buying a house
no matter which direction she goes
there is just no way "right "
Once again they are stuck
with no directional hope
like lost sheep without a shepard
on a long dusty slope..
I tell you this my good man and lady alike
If at all possible She would say Good bye and Good night!!

Life in a Nutt Shell or is it My Hell??

Good evening everyone, I hope you had nice unevenful days today. I myself wish I could say the same. As you know it being Monday, was the day to find out about the "House". I have been up since 6 am and running pretty much since then. Been on the phone with 4 banks and personally visited 1 twice today. I was called by the Mortgage lender this morning and told that there were several things that needed to be cleared up to make the loan happen. So I scurried up all the funds I could and set off to clear those things up. Mind you most of these were residue's from when my husband and I were first seperated. His depts. I guess he had a credit card that was purged. I settled it for $300.00 and paid half now half on the 3rd after my SSI check comes. Cleared 2 bank accounts that bounced from Gawd knows when totaling almost $270.00 and managed to finally be able to open a bank account with out being prosecuted for check systems. YAY ME!. After doing all this and jumping through every hoop put forth. The realitor calls and wanted to withdrawl the bid. I said no. She calls this afternoon and said that HUD never took the bid either way. So we take it as a no go. It is still listed as open for bidding. I guess we can up our offer. But now the Lender is calling me. I did everything HE said to make the loan happen. Not good enough. I have to have $3000. in the bank ASAP to show I can handle the closing costs and 2 months mortgage so I can have the loan now. Knowing I just paid through the nose all these bills to make the path for the loan. Where on Gods green earth am I going to get the "gift" of $3000.00 . The Lender said "Gift" I can rebid on the house but I need the "gift" .. If someome knows where the "gift" is. Please let me know. As I can not find it. I can not manage to make it happen. There is nothing left here not even food to eat. I have sold it all to do what I have and sold things I should not have to get what I did. Lord Help me I did what I could. .
So.. I guess after the Fire Marshall is done with the house we are in.. we are going to be sooo homeless it is will be not even worth our sanity. I can say I tried. I failed but at least I tried. I feel for my family and for dragging those I love with me into this mess.
Thanks everyone for the prayers you gave us. They all were deeply moving and loved by each.
~ huggles~
Gayle

To The 4th~ Cheers~

You now, it is the 4th.. of July. Pretty much everyone is out enjoying themselves and I am here writting this. I can hear the fireworks going off down the street at the race track and have no interest in seeing them. What is wrong with me?? I must be bogged down with issues. Yep that is it. I am seriously unhappy these days. I can remember a time when little presents were a norm. Not anymore, at least not in a long time.. I miss those days. I remember when I was considered beautiful and felt that way deep inside. Not anymore. I do not even have a reason to get dressed these days. Unless it is to head out to Walmart for groceries. I guess it is just how I took the cards that were dealt to me in life and I guess I excepted them or else I would have never taken them. But I do miss being a someone . I feel like a no one in a no where place. Nothing has been fixed that is broken and still sitting in the idle position of life not knowing if I am coming or going. Worse I am taking everyone down with me. . Sucks doesn't it??
One of my children has plans to move out soon , I can see it. She is 17. I wonder if she will finish school. I hope so. But I doubt it. She is choosing a path I tried to teach her to stay away from. Does this mean I failed? Or did she fail to listen? ~ shrugs~ I am off to make someones life as miserable as mine or make theirs better by seeing how blah anothers can be...
Happy 4th Everyone!!

The Jist of Things....

Some of you might be able to relate to what I have to say and I can imagine there will be others who have never known what it has been like to deal with the issues at hand. Well my life has not been easy and of late it has been what I would call pretty darn hard.
At some point I might ramble so please forgive me. This post will be rather long.

I am a mom who cares for 3 children one who is 17 2 who are 13 and 14. I have a man who is disabled and unemployed pending Social Security ( no income ) I have a Spouse whom I have been separated from since July of 2005 who helps me by sharing each paycheck with me weekly so I can get by. By no means would I call him a dead beat. Though he can be a pain in my ass.

Since 2007 I have moved over 5 times and through 3 states to land here in Anderson, Indiana. Why here? Because my mother is here and she gave me the "I am getting old and want my children closer speech" not to mention I was told I was very ill with cancer. ( I was misdiagnosed) but that is another story )... So I'm here paying way to much rent for a house in a very poor area. Most of the houses are falling over or are closed down. But I had hope when I moved into this one. The Owner wanted to sell. But he is asking way way to much money. We managed to talk him down from $60,000 to $40,000 but the area the most expensive house here is under $30,000.
I have terrible credit so I asked my mom's soon to be husband to help me and he is considering it. Had me do all the leg work and now the code enforcer is coming to look at the house because there are several violations .. like pane windows versus opened windows. Like in the master bedroom. Hence I get no fresh air at night plus it is a fire hazard. One reason why I am not sleeping. It is always hot in there even with a fan. My living room has one window and it is a pane glass window as well. No ceiling fan just a floor fan I bought and the front door. Very hot in there too . My daughters bedroom is a interior room. No windows at all just a door. Fire hazard.... The wiring to the house is not up to code. like wires are hanging out of the ceiling. My heating coils are showing in the bathroom because plaster came down. All these things the landlord knows. Mind you I have 3 outlets in the kitchen that do not work and 2 support the frig, freezer and what would be an ac unit. That he wont let me put in his window, The only one in the house downstairs that could be used.. And its in the mudd room.... This really stresses me out.
Now my car.. I paid someone who is reputable over $1200 which included all the parts. Oh and a dell computer that is still under warranty also.. to work on my car and rebuild my engine. He even had Joe assist him the entire job. Come to find out he did not put in Lock tight and probably several other small things. Now the car is a mess again and the engine wont run over 20 mph. It's gonna cost me all over the place again.
Ok so these are every day issues for me and I deal with it. But what gets me is the children.. they know I am under a terrible strain here trying to acquire a home so my rent/mortgage would be lower then $600. a month as that is what I pay now. (My ssi is $637) Keep in mind I support 5 total plus the x's help to keep it going here... all the bills too..Joe chips in and gives his welfare check and food stamps to cover what he can.
I give everything and above, clothing , personal needs, gas, insurance, repairs, mom can I have a dollar for a pop please... all of that stuff is on me.
As I was saying... the kids.. My 17 year old has forgotten that I am her mother and figures she is moving out when she turns 18 next April. She is still in 10th grade. I talk to her till I am blue in the face about a life better then mine , tech school if not collage. She hangs out with a boy who has been locked up more times then I can count and has issues.. big issues. He even told her that he would kill their child if it was born handicapped. She wants this???? OMG but what am I to do.
My 13 year old thinks that coming in the house at 10:30 is to early and wants to run the streets. Threatens me all the time to take off, Tells me I am good for nothing. Reminds me how poor I am and brings me to tears every day. She like all the others I have to fight with to do a simple anything around here. I have no self worth if I have no money for them.. at least the younger 2.
Now th 14 year old, He is Joe's son. I did not birth him. He came with his father. I will be honest. I wish he did not come. I ask him to do something and usually it is done half assed. He argues with me all the time and belittles his father almost every time he talks to him. He makes him sound like he is my puppet. "Oh you gonna have me do this cause SHE said to?" I have reminded him that I support him because his father can not. He does not care. I am a worthless piece of shit. Why is it that I have to stand for this. His father and I at piece when they are not here. But when the children the younger ones I mean are afoot. He and I are at war. No peace and I do not know what to do about it. Every little thing seems like a big thing. no privacy for us because someone in the house is fighting over something or always at my bedroom or office door for something stupid.
I Pray every day for help, because I am not making it, barely... my sanity is slipping as well as the basic comforts of life, food clothing... it is almost impossible to get by . I NEED SLEEP!!
We wont even touch the subject of the outside family's yet as they are upsetting at times to and add to the issues...if only I could concentrate on my crochet... I can't.. Someone send a Miracle please I really need one terribly

Father's Day Rain Show

Father's day... Somewhat quiet.... We had a wonderful storm. I must say that where we live in Indiana there is some great weather. Lightening to me is beautiful, Can sit there for hours and watch it. The rumble is soothing, reminding me of the low pipes of a motorcycle... Yes friends if you have been there then you know what I mean... But after the storms, sometimes we are gifted with a rainbow. Last night was one of those moments. Right before the sun had gone for the evening the rainbow surfaced. These are those moments caught on a digi for you .

An Acomplishment

It seems like forever that I have tried to crochet a pineapple and failed. Well in the midst of the madness that has been going on around here I have conquered the pineapple. It is not a fancy one at that but the beginning . I am proud, prouder so as my Jennifer asked for it so that it may rest in her room. Here is what it looks like

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The Saga Continues.....

Well as I stand here ready to pull my hair out.... my car is once again broken. Yesterday I had my water pump replaced and now the car is making the same noises it did when the engine had to be replaced. So today and tomorrow they are tearing apart the engine again to see what the HELL is the matter with the car. The speculation is that a a lifter might have come loose. I hope this is not going to get costly . I have been selling a few things that I should not be selling. Since I can not get any outside help I do what I must, even if it is sort of in that gray area....
I have not heard anything about the purchase of the house yet, I figure they are waiting to find out about the inspection that will take place in a couple weeks. Everyone here is on edge and it is like the air is charged with static. Joe and I barely talk, I am super stressed, had thought to quit smoking , did so for 2 days and personally think now is not the right time to try that. I think Joe feels the same way. Mind you he and I do not have the issues, it is the kids, the never leave us alone, always bitching about something and never listening and doing everything they are suppose to half assed. Then wonder why they get grounded.. go figure.
We try not to discuss Erie.. We always fight when that comes up. He knows how I feel about it. I respect the ideals of visiting his Grand as she is getting up there.. but lets say we are not going to touch this topic unless you want a good cat fight.. and I will bring the claws!!
So needless to say, today is going to be a day like all others, we live , breath and deal with unruley children. Oh and btw.. Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there... I know somewhere mine is lurking , shame I never knew him though.....
So I am off to cuppa land, a shower some crochet and a big fat stoggie!!

Does it Ever End???

I would love to say that I have good new, but I don't.
Let me catch you up on what has been happening in our little world here in Anderson Indiana... in Feb of this year we moved into what we thought was going to be the perfect house.... I tell you if we ever had back luck with houses.....
So Friday after several letters and phone calls to the landlord.. Why? Well when we moved in the back end of the kitchen/ mudd room only one outlet worked out of 3. We have a freezer and frig sharing a power strip there. because of that. The landlord was suppose to have someone come out and fix it quickly so that we would not overload that plug. That never happened.
With that in mind. The living room has 1 window and it is a large pane of glass and can not be opened. With the weather being hot the room gets no air. The master bed room is the same way. So I called him and asked if it would be any way possible to maybe change those to windows that opened. We can not even put air conditioners in 1, because the windows do not open. 2 because the only window that does open downstairs has no outlet as he never fixed it and it already had the freezer and frig on it. So he calls me back Friday and says I will consider giving you 2 windows that open if you give me $300 more towards your sec deposit making it a total of $900. and also a 2 year lease instead of one year with of course a raise in rent. I already pay $600. and live in $637 a month. How can I manage that??. I had someone who knows houses come and do a walk through of the house.. why you say? Because the landlord said unless I give him the money he will not fix the electric or do the windows. my only other option is to buy the house.
Fine so This person does the walk through to asses the property. It needs a roof, not to mention baby birds living between the roof and ceiling upstairs. ( that's a no no ). faulty wiring( not up to code ) another no no.. how about mold in the basement ( oh my big health hazard there ) I could go on and on. I was advised of my rights and told what I need to do for my safety and protection. As for relocation, I have nothing to make that happen. My mother is trying to help me once again. But this time I am looking to purchase a home that is a fixer upper so I can sink my income into that instead of dealing with all these dead beat landlords. I will say I am taking financial donations from any and all at this point.We really like this neighborhood and all of us have made friends here. There are a bunch of homes that are empty so.. the hunt begins again...
I am trying to keep a grip on this all. Joe and I went to the docs last week. They want to change his insulin as the one he has been using is not keeping his sugars down, neither is the fact that he wont eat right and he is smoking cigars like a Russian race horse because of his stress levels. but then I am smoking them to now. I have been told that for the past month I have had high blood pressure and they gave me a month to bring it down or I get medication for it when we go back for a follow up appoint.
He is happy about riding his Bike, it is our only peace, My car.. I want to beat it to death. It is down again!!a water pump or the catalytic converter is bad, not sure which or both yet. So we are usually on the bike or home. My moms car that we were using is being used elsewhere for now... I can't sleep so here I write, have not been crocheting because I am usually hurting to much. But I am breathing so that makes it good. I am off for some coffee.. Have a good day and one for us too

You want Updates.. You're Gonna Get Them!

Where shall I begin?

Hmmm.. I will tell you that of late I have not been in the greatest of moods. I was but that seems to be gone now.

Where and why....

I paid, yep all on me , as always.. Gayle paid to get the motorcycle fixed and insured and tittled. It is up and running. But this time my name is on the ownership papers. Now if god for bid something happened to the original owner no one can take it and sell it. I will be the fall back owner. And why not. I pay for it.

The doctor decided I needed to be put back on a medication that caused me to need to wear glasses but I must have my eyes checked ever few months now for eye pressure . To assure them I have no stages of glacoma. How sweet of them. So until they get the dose back up I am a misserable bitch and irritable. That is putting it nicely!

The good things. I am mentoring several children ( teens) in our area. I have 1 that pretty much lives with us. Can you believe he doesmore then Joe's son and never complains about anything. His father knows he is here and I want to adopt him. HE is 15 and is wonderful. I made him an afghan. He always makes me feel wanted. Betweeen all the children I have to care for.. they just suck. The children that I mentor. Everyday they tell my kids.. all 3 that they have it great here and should want to help and be greatful for what they have. The neighborhood children have little. Some have had parents pass, little food, not even a bed to sleep on. Parents who drink way to much, drugs or pop pills.

Why I mentor, Because these children remind me that I did not fail as a parent.

I have decided that I will not be traveling with dead baggage anymore. We have spoken on this and it has been decided that if there is not a change then 2 will be leaving here to make their own path.

I can not support a child who uses me for food and living supplies and then insists that I am no better then his natural mother who abused him. I have never lifted a finger towards him and always have given him the best I can. Even my own girls are like this. But their father is not goin gto care for them so it is my job to look out for my own girls as I am their mother. Maybe it will change but for now...

I try to make everyone happy. I am miserable. Oh I bought a trampoline and 2 large tents to for everyone. you think they appericiate it? NOT.... I have been crocheting skater hats I will show you who liked them. Guess what it was not my kids. These are pictures of the neighborhood children. They are the ones who wanted and earned them. My kids had no interest.

On a NOTE. ANGEL has been the BETTER of all THREE

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Hook Holders for Your Crochet Items

Need something to hold your hooks in? Here is a perfect idea. Compact, this holder will fit nicely into a bag and keep all your Crochet items in one place. I make these in various patterns Which of course depends on the material that is available at the time. If interested please email me at Flametide@aol.com and put in the subject line Hook Holders. I sell these for $4.75 plus shipping. Yeppers I will ship anywhere there is a post man delivering.
Thanks for looking at my blog

Gayle

Still Standing....

As you can see I am still standing... Once again I feel the need to apologize for not being online much or really posting. To be honest with you I have not felt really well and the mood has not put me here much. I have not crocheted anything in days. Between my eyes bothering me and my temperment being short, nothing has gotten finished around here.
The dog that has adopted us has become a pain in my rear. I seriously prefer cats. He keeps eatting my silk flowers, digs holes in the front yard. (landlord will have a shit fit soon) And I still refuse to pay more monthly for something almost the same size as my cat.
My car is up and running but has a couple bugs to work out yet.
Mothers day would have been better if it never came. I got no peace and still had a housefull of everyone elses kids. Nope nothing came my way, not even sleep. Can't report a mothersday gift either. Usual day here. I got alot of bitching from everyone and when I went to have my turn got the " everyone sure complains alot around here" . Typical men!!
Been to way to many doctors to be told nothing. I have nerve entrapment. Yep We knew this. Nothing can be done, was told to deal with it and gave me some pills. Eyes... rest them and deal with the rollar coaster effect. My brain will not except the ideal of glasses let alone bifocals so I have migranes and am dizzy . Doc said just have to get used to it and teach the brain to accept them. Yeah right!
Other then the usual BS I am good, alive and breathing. When I can get my eyes to like me I should be here more... crochet more... be at peace. for the moment I have mentioned to those who can and want to .. call. it is easier then reading the screen.
I am off now as my brain is going WEEEE and that is not a good thing

Miss you all
Gayle

All About Buckets

Here is something else I just completed. It is a various collection of buckets. I used 2 strands of 4 ply cotton to make these sturdy and a size G hook. I scaled down for the little ones as these are all more or less from the single pattern. If you would like this.. get in touch with me. I can share the pattern for you crocheters or make you buckets. Either way works for me.

Have a great day!

Crocheting in The Sun

As you can see, I have been busy once again crocheting. But then most would say that is a "given". Here are 3 -12 point ripples I have made into doilies. I used a 4 ply cotton thread and a size G crochet hook.

Lost in Oblivion....

How do I breathe when Oblivion is all I see?
Lost in the translucent side of the world. Not dawn or dusk.. Simply Oblivion...
I seem to be standing on the treheshold of what we call life, yet through the door I can not pass.
I wonder endlessly as to what I did to falter, for such forthcomings to fall upon me. Forever wondering when will my living hell pass......

Another Creation

I have been surfug the web, looking for something different. Well I found this pattern in Porteguise and with the help of the symbols I managed to crochet this little item. I did change the original pattern by omiting several inner rounds and adding a few more outter. Also, the material I used is 100% chenille bulky cotton and a I crochet hook. This rug is machine washable but I would dry flat if possible.

Wanting to Trade

I am looking for crochet books / magazines / leaflets from other countries. Such as Brazil, Russia, France, Japan and Portigual. I have many Old / Vintage leaflets / books dating from the 1940's - to late 1950's. I do hope there is someone out here that reads this and is willing to swap.

I have a desire to crochet items that are not readily found in the United States. If anyone can help please email me at Flametide@aol.com . Put in the subject line "Trade" .

Thank you all for the help in locating such items

Gayle

On A Mission...

It's me again, been here all day lurking as I have been on a mission. Last night a partner in crime and I stayed up surfing the net and I decided that I needed to learn symbol crochet. You see there are tons of wonderful patterns that are not from the US. If only to read and understand them. The quality is better or shall I say I believe. So after searching for patterns, I found a symbol crochet that I figured I would try, the back up on it . It is in Porteguese so either way I will have to understand or fail. This is what the pattern looks like.. This is my finished project and yes I did it ALL today. I am so proud of myself~ pats own back~ I accomplished something I had wanted to.

THIS IS THE PATTERN

THIS IS THE FINISHED PRODUCT

As you can see by the hook it is a nice size.
Just wanted to share in my first baby steps of crocheting

Gayle

Ebaying Again

Please come check me out on EBAY. I am selling spools of 100% cotton yarn and many craft items as well as non-craft items. You will be glad you did!!
eBay Seller: tempstmoon: Crocheting, Yarn items on eBay.com

Couple More Bags

These bags are excellent for shopping. Ideal for replacing those plastic bags the stores give you . If you have heard of Aldi's food store you know they charge you for bags. This eleminates that by reusing and washing, these bags can last a very long time. Double lined for thickness . Another good use. Trick or Treating, no more pillow cases or torn bags, Hold your bounty in one of these special made bags. Bag takes 1 yard of outter shell and 1 yard of lining.
Asking $8.25 each ( Mostly to cover material expenses ). Email me for questions. I do ship all over the world
Thanks again
Gayle

The New You in Shopping Bags!!

Playing around with material today, had to take off from crocheting. A person can only twit and turn so much. I have made these 2 great grocery type bags. They resemble a walmart bag but are washable and durable. Perhaps I will sell these too.. haven't decided yet. Want info email me Flametide@aol.com ...

Croaker Hook Size J

Joe cleaned a piece of branch for me and left me to my own accord. This is my first try at making my own crochet hook. Isn't it lovely? On the end hangs a cute little froggy that dangles as you hook.. Hence Croaker....

When The Music Begins and The Dancing Stops

Sitting here listening to music... I wonder where my dance partner has gone. What seems to be many moons from this moment have disappeared. The dancing has ended , but the music still plays on. I wonder what has happened that the motion stopped. The splendor of a couples sinews glimmering in the twilite....has faded away like that of a dream state awakening to the feeling of emptiness...

Hot Off The Hook!!

I had been fretting for the past couple days over these darling little outfits. I finally finished them and wanted to share with you . I believe the Yellow set has been taken but the other is available. I am asking $15.50 for it plus shipping. In you have any questions feel free to email me at Flametide@aol.com . Have a great day.. I am off to make a few other things now..

Booties and Caps for Baby

I have been busy using up the scrap baby yarns I have and this is what I came up with. Yep these are available to travel from my home to yours..

Bath Scrubbies

These are a new item I have made. 100% cotton so you can toss them in the wash when needed. A great gift idea for that someone special. Come in assorted colors. If interested in something like this email me. These will be on sale for $3.50 each. Remeber these are not made of netting and will last much longer then the walmart ones you can find for 94 cents.

Rainbow Heaven

Here is a blanket that after a veryyyyyy long time is finished. Colors of a dream. It is a variation to a pattern I had aquired. This one is for sale. I have no babies of my own to share this with. If you have an interest please email me . Flametide@aol.com

Thank you and take care

The Biker...

Sitting , patiently awaiting the moment the weather breaks .. The Biker... As some of you know by reading my blog this is Joe. He awaits the moment he can sit the bike and ride in the wind. Right now we are trouble shooting the girl, so that she is ready to make the spring ride. Keep your fingers crossed.

Commode Huggin Cat

This is a very special cat. He has been with us for almost 6 years now. We call him the inspector.. As you can see by the picture what his job entails. You can never step into the bathroom with out him batting at the door for you to let him in .. He has a job to do and no one can stand in his way.. HAHAHA..

On The Wood

Here is a picture of Joe carving a crochet hook for me. He just finished a size L hook and now is working on a M. I have very few larger hooks so they will come in handy. You really do have to see the things he makes. ( his blog link is on my side bar) > He beams at the praise as he is new to this. Bravo!!! nice job

New Items Made...

So I made these just a bit ago... a nice lady shared a visual on how to make Japanese purses. They are called Furoshuki Purses. I have made 3 but can only show you 2 as my daughter took the first one from me. .. They are very easy to make and I am hoping I can sell a couple of them.

Both are 100% cotton and can be machine washed of course. Hope you like them!!

What's New at The Zoo

Good afternoon everyone who reads my blog!
Today started with errands as usual. I had to borrow a car as mine is still broken down. Went to the cable company and they finally fixed my bill. I owed quite a bit less then what they had initially charged me. From there it was back to the social security office. I had more documents to bring for proof of income. They informed me that the man who has been handling my case will now be out for 4 months. So nice isn't it? I gave the attending person my information and then headed over to the public assistance office. Once again they tried to send me to the Internet to complete yet another application. Since I refused to budge they found someone who was willing to help me. OMG a live person and not some automated bull shit. I gave her everything that social security gave me and proof that I have been separated for almost 3 years now. I asked for help and am hoping as she said someone would call me today for approval .. at least for food .. This way I do not have to grovel to my mom to feed my family. I still have to fill out another application for my medical as does Joe. Hopefully they are on the ball today and get everything out in a timely manner.
I called my family doctor again and explained what is happening and asked for one of my medications to be filled. I told his office I would pay for it out of pocket as they do not give samples of it. $9.00 was the last I checked for the price. It will help me deal with the stress and anxiety I keep getting.
I pray.. and please pray to that it all falls into place. I would love to get my car fixed as well as the motorcycle. That is our only recreation from this stressful life we lead. God bless to all and have a great day.
Oh... I will be posting a couple things I made over the weekend on here shortly

Toodles!!

Billy Billy Goat Goat...

Remeber that cartoon when we were kids, it was from Droopy Dog. I believe.. The goat that ate everything in site.. That's Joe's Son.. When ever food is taken out or we are sitting at the table, you never have to worry about left overs.. We have our very own Billy.. ~laughs~. I had to share that moment with you as you can imagine the scenario...
This morning I made pancakes with sausage and a mix of strawberries and banana's you add creme to it and yumm.. For the men I cooked an egg over easy. Well I gave them the idea of a pancake ,egg & sauage sandwich.. sure enough "Billy " was staring at his dad's food waiting to see what would be left. It's not like we do not get to eat. If for anything in our lives we manage when it comes to food as my mother will make sure we are not starving. But you would not think it when you look into "Billy'e eyes.. Enjoy the chuckle.. I do when I am not hoardig my meal from others...

The Saga Continues....

You know, I was thinking after rereading my blog that this if it wasn't me would be CRAZY. I mean if I stumbled across this blog and read it, I would cry, feel for this person writing all this and think "WOW, how can this happen?"
But the saga continues and it has not gotten any better.. On Friday past 2/29/08 I had to go to the Social Security office. Indiana welfare mentioned I should try to get medical from my SSI. Well upon speaking .. crying and trying not to pummel someone I was told I didn't work enough in my lifetime to qualify for medical under Federal laws.. Well DUH I was and still am a stay home mom!! No one told me 17 years ago that I would have this problem, That I should cart my kids to a day care where some perv might molest them.. Pennsylvania at that time was having issues on this and I chose to stay and raise my children. Shame on me for wanting to be a "good mommy"...
After a good 2 hours at the Social Security office, they told me I had to bring papers in showing that my spouse and I had separated and when it began and how much my PAST child support was as I am not receiving any since Indiana wont let me file again... according to Welfare.. I gave them the needed documents and received a letter Tuesday 3/4/08 that I am not entitled or should I say my disabled daughter is not entitled to her SSI anymore, so they took a little over $400. 00 from our overall income. That $637x2 - $400 and change.. If you can do the math you will see that it leaves... not much. My expenses are simple.. rent $600.00, electric right now is running me $177 and change, Internet/phone/cable is a$154.00. Price went up this month.. How nice. Not to mention car insurance of $76 a month .. So you see there is less then nothing. I do not get FOOD Stamps, they wont let me have them and I still can not get medical. This place is BS!
Living here in my house is 5 with one other who floats in and out making it 6? I get some help from my 2 girls dad. If it wasn't for him right now I would have sunk already.
My new life... Joe the one in the picture above.. well he is disabled and pending SSI/SSD. Welfare tells him it's OK you don't need to support your only SON... Gayle can do it.. And I have been for over 2 years now. Joe receives a whooping $229.00 from the state and some food stamps for him and his son. I pay ALL the bills and creature comforts..like clothing, school supplies.. birthday presents.. XMAS presents..
Yeah sure he can't even afford to fix his broken motorcycle which is his only transportation beside my car which BTW is broken down in the front yard.. Like I can fix it?? YEAH RIGHT.
So today's beef that has been ongoing for a while now is this.... Indiana we know stinks when it comes to helping low income families, My mom and her b/f(boyfriend ) have helped us out repeatedly.. Where are Joe's parents? My mom has been out of a job for a couple months and is now doing temp work to pay her bills.
Joe's Food stamps had not come when they should have this month and my moms boyfriend gave us $100.00 in food. I do not see anyone else lifting a hand to help when asked.
Yes sure you can move pack to PA.. how?? I can not afford a truck let alone more rent or afford to loose the $600.00 security dep. I have on this house. Stay in someone Else's home and possibly loose everything I own? Sell the Motorcycle???? If you have ever owned or ridden you know that's CRAZY..
My side of the family has put out more then anyone I know to help me and my family keep afloat and now once again by means I can not control.. we are drowning. Today Joe found out his medical has been shut off.. He is on a insulin pump type 1 diabetic and has an artificial heart valve that needs to be replaced.. HOW??
HEllloooooo.. Is anyone out here listening? We need HELP, not sympathy but real honest to God Help... I pray that God will see us through all this and that hand that is needed will come.
Perhaps Joe's family will see that he risks loosing his son. If I can not provide for him and his son because I can barely to do for my children.. then what? Step up!! I don't care about family get together.. They are irrelevant . I was not a part of Joe's past. Stop making me suffer for his bad choices or the ones you think he has made.. Are you so perfect? I bet there are demons in your closet too.. I say this with utmost respect and love. But if you fail him you are no better then what you say he has done in the past. Oh and the phone works both ways.. remember that when you snob my post
With this I will close this post and hope the next is better then today.
God Bless all who read this and prosper in your life

Creativity

Yesterday I had no internet as the company was fixing it. I can tell you that I am not used to not being able to get online and was in withdrawls. It had been 2 days with out service. I figured I needed to do something so I created a stain glass effect piece for my craft room window. Here is it today almost dry for you to see!

Hope you like something different as I do much more the just crochet.....

Fabric Strip Rug I Am Working On

So here is the basic idea. I am doing this with out a pattern . I was asked how I am making it and have written out a crude form. I will clean it up and post the better soon. In the mean time this is what I have so far..

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS A ROUGH DRAFT OF MY PATTERN ( first one tooo)

I buy the material in 5 yards per color , usually when walmart has a yard for a buck. Happens this material has been sitting with me for a couple years now. So I rotary cut the entire 5 yards in together into strips. I don't measure just lay it on the floor folded over several times and just cut. My strips range from an inch thick to a little less. I put each color in a pile and ( with help ) go from color to color making a pattern.
To connect each one together I use quilt thread and a simple weave in and out 2 rows stitch them together. Once I have a large pile it is rolled into balls just like yarn. I am using a crochet hook size N and chained 22 then single chained. at the 1st end I single chained 3 in one sc for the turn and came back around the other side . as it got bigger to keep it flat I would on the corners chain 2 sc in 3 different chains then single chain the rest . You can do the increase anywhere on the rug. now that it is even bigger I am just sc all the way around with an occasional 2 sc in random places. I even slip stitched on a section and turned it around to change the pattern texture.

This Friggin Stinks!!

Cynical is the mood I am in and I will tell you why... First off I attempt to start my own web page and the company double billed me. When I called them about my site I Am told they want $720 a year more for god knows what!! I told them to give me my money back. That is how I found out they double billed me. Still waiting for that money and it has been 2 days so far. Heard nothing.. Filed a claim with the banking establishment. The company is called Startlogic, inc. Be warned!!!!!
Ok so with that in mine and all the other BS I have been dealing with my car.. a whole nother issue.. I was driving to the store and all of a sudden it decided it had no power. Mind you it is a Grand am GT, known for their power. I am still waiting for the power steering to be replaced. The part is in my trunk.. UGH.. Well anyhow my car is not running but sitting in my drive. I have NO MONEY. I can not even pay this months rent. What the hell am I suppose to do? No one else here in the House has money. I am the only one with the steady income and it's been messed up thanks to the good ole state of Indiana..
You think any ones family will help any of us? My mother has bought every appliance known to a house for me as they ALL broke and I have been paying her monthly for them. BAH this is F'in BS!!!
So by the 10th 5 of us at least will be homeless with no where to go and a house full of items with no where to put. I just want to beat the living tar out of someone. Where is that "hope" faith" and what not when you need it. I thank God everyday for the good but am overwhelmed with the bad.,
Think Positive I am told.. Would you knowing in a week after just moving into a new place that you will be homeless? The state here does nothing and tells me "sorry" I am so upset that I could just .. well I won't say.. damn it to hell.. I am outta here

In Addition.....

A wonderful woman emailed me letting me know that my chldren should grow up fine and it will be okay. I wrote this back to her and thought I would share this with everyone as insight...

"I have 3 children that are my own. one got involved with gangs and now has a 2 yr old that my mother has temp custody of as she was in and out of jail and now just recently got married. hopefully she gets it straight.. we don't speak.. my soon to be 17 yr old smokes and drinks when she goes out and has no love of anyone but herself.. is failing school or just skimming by.. is suspended more then not. my 13 yr old is what most call a "snob" , hates school so doesn't apply herself no matter what I say. nice bunch huh..
Joe.. my sig other has a soon to be 14 yr old that is a A-B student. He is the only one that is trying and has been in wrestling this year since we moved here. I am either a failure or my kids are.. haven't figured it out.
Gayle "

Another Day in Paradise

Good day everyone...
I am up and moving around, made pancakes for 2 of the children this morning as they asked had my coffee and am now listening to my 13 year old complain about a report she had a week to write and did nothing more then jot words down. I guess it is my fault as she puts it for not doing her homework . It's worth 300 points. I predict she will be in the same grade again next year.
Didn't sleep well at all last night, keep worrying about the finances around here. Went to Social Security on Friday and argued with them over medical and my income. They told me I didn't have enough work credits. Well DUH I stayed home raising my children. They also informed me that if I wanted a life I would loose my benefits. How bad is that? I was told loose the x loose benefits, get involved with the man I am with now.. no benefits. I think this place sucks!! Indiana that is. They are the ones doing this even though SSI is federal.
So I am stuck with the dilemma, stay here or head back to PA.. mind you I have moved since feb 07...5 times.. social security said PA I would get my child support.. ( lost that here ).. my SSI and my medical again. But I have no funds to leave~ dry laugh~no wonder I am not sleeping.. I thought to tell everyone but my 2 girls to get out. who needs love? or the want to not be alone as you get older? blah
Well I guess I am in a cynical mood. I used to be a happy person, just can't remember when that was..
I do hope you all have a better day...year then I am having.
So .... I will be in and out today reading mail and muddling over what I can do with what I am not allowed to do

Toodles,
Gayle

The Inventor of The Harley Davidson (shared )

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out With God."St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who Invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"God said, " Ah, yes.""Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion2. It chatters constantly at high speeds3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "Hold on."God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it."Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

And The Beat Goes On...

So I am back once again.. not much has changed in the days but the minutes.. I have recieved the dryer to replace the one that broke YAY! more wash for me to do~ claps hands~ NOT.
I have dealt with in the past week, a daughter who was sick. This wonderful cold/flu that has been biting at everyone.. On top of that a daughter who thinks she is out smarting her parents by eluding the truth. Of course she was found out. Now suspended from school. Oh goodie, just what I need. Her bitching about how I am so mean and it is all my fault!! Grounded for a couple weeks.. woes me... The not my son of mine who tries hard... to make me nutts?
With the way my life has been lately, loosing my medical because this wonderful state on Indiana deemed it not necessary for an SSI income to have the health care needed, I have decided to get on the ball.
I started the managing my weight thing. Every morning I am getting up and exercising. My goal is to be smaller once again then my soon to be 17 year old. With the gastric bypass surgery and the not able to eat a ton of food... well I am hoping this works. At 41 I hate to be that flabby shabby mom/woman.
Have not done much in the way of crafting, I did resort to posting on Ebay for a bit to thin out. BUY BUY BUY.. this is what I say to the computer every time I log into my ebay account.
Oh posh.. I must get back to my reality for a wihle. I shall return though.. Toodles

Rambling or is it Bitching.. Who Knows

I'm writing this as I need to get this out of my head and chest. It is not addressed to any but all who know me. I would call it a time line ... perhaps from hell? yet in the depths there is some good. I am still working that part out.

For me life has been up and down, I know someone is saying " Me too".. well dealing with growing up where a mother and grandmother use me as a fighting tool because they spite each other was.. HARD. I didn't live in any one house but was dragged from one to the other.
3 Fathers one brother and none will speak to me.. According to my brother I am to "Fat" to be in his company. He got married and had a son that I have never seen.
Abuse,, I had them all.. if you can think of one.. I was there smack in the middle of it. But that was then .. a long time ago.
I managed to still grow up get married have children.. thus it begins again...

All my life it was fed into me that I was "fat" thus ending with gastric bypass surgery in 2004. Mind you this isnt a walk in the park. You are completely altered inside, can't eat and when you want to eat you can only nibble. By 2005 I had lost 103 pounds and was exstatic. I finally felt "Human". I did not have to hide under sweat pants and huge tee's. In that time the muscle opened and I had to have another surgery on my belly.. ouch.. My husband left me.. I was to into the world now and he didnt want me leaving the house. I actually got to step out once in a while. That was just the wrong thing to do.
I met someone else.. the husband lingered.. and I mean lingered. It was like and still is ... "I want you back, but I don't respect you anymore"
Since 2005 I have had 3 hernia surgeries and a full tummy tuck.. ( which I had to pay out of pocket for most ).. Yep I hear it.. well it would make you healthier and feel better.. Sure it did but on SSI a whopping 623 a month.. it killed me.
Ok so I am now basically into feb 2007 which is a jump but you will get the jist of what I mean by hell.
I leave Erie Pa which has been my home for over 17 years.. why? Because my husbands BS was bad. everytime he screwed up he came back to my house begging for help. For my children?? perhaps or my good heart I let him live in the basement.. a spare room.. something. Well he blew it.. a prostiture for a girlfriend. It was a mess.. I left, went to Ohio.. by April the state condemed the house I had just unpacked. A step back for a moment. When I left PA I had to get rid of almost a 1/3 of my house ( belongings ) mostly my personal stuff as I didnt want to take from anyone.
Ok so I m in Ohio , a house I thought would be great. 4 bath 7 bedroom house.. a tad to big but $600. a month rent. Who could beat that?? Everything was wrong with it when we got there. Front door wouldn't close, feces on the carpet. you name it.. it was bad. we found used condoms .. Gross.. just gross.. Ohio gave us 5 days to relocate.. on SSI income.. sheesh. By mircle someone felt sorry and rented us a gutted house. No plumping.. carpet.. anything but we needed somewhere to stay. 3 children Myself , the man I had met before.. we all moved... but then.. so did the husband. following me..
We put (I mean me ) for the most part every dime that we could to make the house livable. Even considered trying to purchase the house. HAHAHA>.. the state came.. and yep. condemed the house. Pigeons nesting in the room was the main reason. Samonilla.. 5 days people.. you need to relocate.
So July we moved here to Indiana.. why, my mother asked me to.. ( I am getting old and need my family she said ).. I had no where else to go. In Ohio I was diagnosed with cancer of the female area. I had my 3rd hernia from lifting to move. I was a mess. So up we go moving again...
I get here and I am told I was misgiagnosed and no cancer YAY! they fixed that hernia but.. found thread that should not be in my abdomen and took a small piece out. (They didn't look across the original incision to see if there was more ). So I have no feeling in my stomach area, I get UTI's constantly alot of pain. have an infection no one wants to deal with because there is malpractice lingering in the air.. Anyhow. so the medical is a mess. Jan 2008 they took it from me and left me with no care. You have beginging stages of Glacoma they say. can't see a doc for it. Infection and nerve intrapment they say. can't see anyone to fix it.. and to top if off.. ANOTHER possible hernia.. UGH

Enough on the medical ..... so I am here found a house I liked in Anderson a one horse loosing families since a large plant pushed out. I get a place cheap. The neighbor decided her kids will beat mine up. My youngest one.. Beat up her friends when they come over. Not to mention steal my mail and then have the kids sneak it over.. HA we were home and they got caught. Just meant my daughter was threatened all the time now on the bus and in school.
I decided since the school was bias and said they would do something but never did.. I moved to a new neighborhood. This one is ok so far.. been here a week ~Laughs~
Ok so on move to Indiana my washer messed up and I got it fixed.. $120.00 for a part. Please keep in mind that 623 goes not very far. thankfully one daughter gets the same. We manage. Then my drier no longer turns but gets hot.. ugh... it begins... my mothers boyfriend.. and if it was not for him.. I would have just crawled in a hole.. purchased a new drier and has me making payments.. I can do that.
Christmas.. house full of company coming.. alot of food and my fridge decides it will not get cool anymore.. Oh great! Mom's boyfriend to the rescue. He buys me one and I am paying that off too....
2 days later my microwave departs to where ever appliances go when they die. I have to get a new one at some point because no one here knew how to live without. A week later.. replaced. I am auctioning everything I own in craft to ebay to pay for all this.
Now in the new house I am in how.. for a WEEK... I trade my gas stove to the land lord for a electric.. house is full electric so why not. He gives me one that the oven I found out wont cook! He offeres to pay only partially for a replacement.. "What a crock"!! I pick out another one and help pay for it. I own it fine.. I deal with like everything else...
So this past Thursday it happened to start again... car trouble.. I could not afford insurance so my mom left me borrow a car. Mind you the following husband whom I have been seperated from but can not afford to divorce is here!! His car breaks... crap again? I am living off his income because welfare says I have to.. The other man is pending SSI due to a artificial heart valve that needs replaced soon and a insulin pump. ( no income there )
Anyhow back to what I was saying. The car.. ok sure you can use the car my mom loaned me.. Hate for you to loose your job.. Would mean that I am supporting you too... like 5 people isnt enough to support on SSI x2...
I have errands that day to I take my car.. I have a flat.. it just gets worse and worse.. My power steering breaks.. I manage to get the tire fixed since it is the begining of the month and I have a little.. Damn... a power steering pump too? $^&(*^%^%$^ and thats putting it nicely. I deal with it. Most have seen I am cleaning out my crafts again. One for space and Two... I am broke and in desperate need. I can not afford to ebay because I have nothing to pay my fee's.. Yesterday.. I do wash. nothing different .. my machine gets stuck on the rinse cycle and water just keeps filling.. for hours as I was not home.. found the problem and thought ok I can fix it.. NOT.. now I need to get a washer. You tell a house of 6 people no clean clothes or hand wash them and they all freak out.. including me.. I am the maid here!!
A whole nothing enchilada... the kids. I have living here my girls which are 13 and soon to be 17. The Sig other's son who is 13 almost 14.
My girls think I am a floor mat. The oldest could care less as she puts it.. She has some notion that she will be moving out soon and is just buying time and wasting mine. The youngest hates everything and everyone. The only time she is nice to me is before bed. She says that I should sleep with the Angels and have good things.. Where??? when?? If I have money everyone is my best friend ( meaning my kids ) As they are my children I have to love them no matter what they do or whom they grow up to be.. I just don't have to like it.
Now the 13 yr old boy thinking I am something you can crap on . And he does when he gets the chance. Should I keep this relationship or send them packing..?? His dad says it he was me.. he would send packing.. Maybe I am a fool.. He and I are soul mates, we never fight. bicker yeah but never fight.. I look at him and get lost. He says I give him butterflies everytime he looks at me. Where were you 20 years ago I ask him.. before these kids..
So to end this long winded letter of depression... mind you I am not depressed.. I am strong and stronger every day! I have gained back over 40 pounds since the bypass surgery.. 20 in the past year alone. Mostly due to the problem in my tummy area as that is where the puffyness is residing. It brings me down but I will manage.
I am generally a happy person just having a very hard time finding it in this mess we call life.. And yes I thank God every day for the little blessings I get.. but yes I also get upset that it seems to always be happening to me.
I am selling my stuff again privately as I have a washer and a dept a big one to clear up.. else I be in the street..

I hope you all understand whom I am and know I love all of you who have been my friends

Yours truely,
Gayle

Changes...

As you can see, I am making changes to my Blog. Soon I will have my own personal website that I shall be selling on. Everything here will, that is available , be moved. This will become my place for moments in time...
You will be updated on the change/transformation as it comes along. Like a butterfly I shall emerge and fly away....

Bee My Valentine....

This is something I made last night and got to thinking .. I should make one for each family member.. A little more personal then a card.. Hope you like!

Baby Bibs..

Another attempt to make something different. I had thought about selling these on Ebay, just not sure yet. I am still pondering the idea. Tell me what you think.. Should I ?

They are 100% cotton and are machine washable. I think they are cute. Any imput would be great.

Thanks bunches.

Another Hobo Purse in Mini

This is from an order before Christmas for this bag. Sorry it took so long to get it out here to you. Enjoy!

Gayle

Monkey Business

I have seen a lot of wonderful toys that are crocheted. To be honest I have been intimidated by the looks and wondered if I was capable of crocheting them. So at long last I have dabbled and tried and this was one of the first animals I have made. I don't think it looks bad, sort of cute.

My youngest daughters nick name is Monkey. So... Here is her counterpart.. Hope you like it. I plan on making more!!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to Me!!



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